


Agent Platypus

by Chaos_Valkyrie



Series: Agent O [10]
Category: Phineas and Ferb
Genre: Bunny Ships Perryshmirtz, Carl and Heinz are Science Bros, Carl isn't helping, Don't Mess with Her OTPs, Enemies to Friends to Enemies to Hopefully Friends Again, Everyone Knows Heinz is Oblivious Except Heinz, Family Feels, Heinz is Oblivious, Human Perry, Idiots in Love, M/M, Ocelot Agent Heinz, Perry is Jealous, Perry is trying dangit, Protective Bunny, Protective Carl, Sad Perry, Secret Languages, Seesaw Relationship, friendship feels
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-12
Updated: 2016-05-15
Packaged: 2018-06-07 21:53:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,561
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6825952
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Chaos_Valkyrie/pseuds/Chaos_Valkyrie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It was never going to be easy… </p><p>But you honestly didn’t think Perry would just give up, did you?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Christmas Day had been added as one of the best days of Heinz’s life. The kids bundled him back into the living room, where he sprawled across all three of their laps as they sat on the sofa, purring madly all morning. The kids refused to let him go, so they opened presents over and around him, not a single one of the four of them minding in the slightest.

He saw Doctor B smile at the sight of them, but Heinz ignored him. His focus was only for his kids, even as he was hyper-aware of his former-nemesis’s every movement.

The family ate their Christmas dinner at noon, and Heinz once again lovingly attended to his kids, even as they each slipped him pieces of turkey from their plates. That stopped when Linda rolled her eyes and fixed Heinz a bowl of turkey all for himself that she put on the floor behind them. 

She even gave him ice cream for dessert, and he ignored the too-familiar huffing laugh from behind him as he purred and rubbed against her legs before digging in.

Yes, a part of Heinz wished the man would just go home already, but he knew he couldn’t begrudge him any of this. This was Doctor B’s family too, and while having to be near him rubbed over his already raw feelings, he wouldn’t let the kids suffer for his own pain. So he just pretended to be ‘pet skittish around new person’, and ‘Uncle Perry’ didn’t push.

He spent the entire afternoon with the kids, their friends, and overgrown man-child-uncle building massive snow forts in the backyard and engaging in an epic snowball fight. And yes, he may have ‘accidentally’ launched the snowball catapult that was loaded with about 50 snowballs right when Uncle Perry was in perfect range, much to the delight of all the kids. He was just a silly pet after all.

Heinz was too busy diving for cover behind his boys to notice the hopeful smile on the man’s snow-plastered face.

*****

Heinz hummed happily to himself as he worked to reverse engineer one of Doctor Diminutive’s latest –irators. He was in his lab, his upper half wedged inside the machine as he fiddled with wires and computer chips. His vending machine was restocked with almond brittle, his Love Handel cd was playing on his custom built sound system, and he even had his very own ocelot-fitted lab coat, a Christmas present from Carl.

And he was fresh off from a ten day vacation spent with his kids. Sure, it was spent at home, but it was time spent watching movies with Candace and encouraging his boys’ amazing inventions, loving his kids and being loved in return.

And now that they were back in school, he could come here while they weren’t at home, and do the other thing he loved best – invent away in his own lab.

He purposefully ignored thinking about the one other thing he liked doing, because the feelings were still a little too brittle there. So he pushed them aside even as he pushed the magnifying glasses up his nose, plugging his handheld diagnostic into the system and reading over the figures flashing on screen.

He heard the doors to his lab open, and he chirped a greeting, not yet moving to leave the machine as he finished downloading the information he required.

Every six months, OWCA brought in new recruits for training. So once every six months, Heinz let Carl, who was now in charge of the official trainee tour, bring the newbies through his lab as a part of that tour. And sure enough, he heard Carl start to speak even as he finished tapping away on his device.

“And this is the personal laboratory of Heinz the Ocelot, our leading good scientist here at OWCA. Many of the tools you’ll use in the field were designed by Heinz himself. He’ll be out to meet you in a moment, he’s currently reverse-engineering a device from Agent Silent-G’s nemesis. Next to the Major and Admiral, Heinz the Ocelot is the third leading authority here at OWCA HQ – he’s been an agent for around thirty years! Oh, question?” Carl went quiet for a moment, and Heinz grinned. Little baby agents with their little notepads were so cute.

“No, ocelots don’t normally live so long – we think it must’ve been a side effect from one of Doctor Destructicon’s –inators. That was his longest and dearest nemesis-ship, they were together for years. Doctor Destructicon is locked away here at OWCA’s prison facility, and Heinz still thwarts him at chess at least once a week.” Heinz briefly wondered why Carl was sharing all that with the newbies. His friendship with Kevin wasn’t a secret, but Carl usually left personal information out of the tour. He shrugged as Carl asked, “Why did he get put in prison again, Heinz?”

Heinz unplugged his handheld and pulled himself out of the –irator, his back to the group. He answered as he brushed down his lab coat and removed his magnifying glasses.

‘Kevin tried to set fire to the sun. I still don’t understand the point of that scheme, and though he’ll never admit it, I’m pretty sure he doesn’t either,’ he answered in animal speak, turning around to greet the new recruits. The tittering of the baby agents fell on deaf ears, however, as Heinz only had attention for Doctor B, standing behind the other recruits with an awkward, pained smile and a trainee fedora perched on his head.

Heinz’s eyes shot to Carl, who simply signed, ‘I’ll explain later,’ with an apologetic look on his face. Heinz turned back around and carefully set the handheld down on the table, lest he crush it in his paw. Now composed, he turned back to the recruits and faced them with a somewhat forced cheerful demeanor.

*****

Turns out, Carl didn’t get to be the one to explain the situation to Heinz. Immediately after the group left his lab, Monogram entered the room and locked the door behind him. Heinz crossed his forearms, tail swishing as he waited for Monogram’s information.

“I suppose you’re wondering why Doctor Platypus is here as a trainee?” Monogram asked Heinz, frowning uncomfortably. Heinz nodded, waving at him to continue.

“Turns out, Doctor Platypus, originally born Bartholomew Percival Fletcher, was legally adopted by platypuses as a child, thus making him, in the eyes of the law, a platypus. Don’t look at me,” Monogram held his hands up at Heinz’s look of skepticism, “he has the paperwork and everything. We checked with Australia, and it’s all perfectly legal. He even signed these ‘I Give Up Evil’ forms,” flipping open the papers and handing them to Heinz to look over.

“As you can understand, the Admiral and I are a bit skeptical ourselves over the whole affair. Since you know him better than anyone here at the Agency, please keep your eyes open and report any suspicious activity.” Monogram saluted him, then unlocked the door and left the lab.

Heinz looked down at the neat signature on the forms in his paws, and grimaced.

*****

“I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m so sorry,” Carl exclaimed, setting his tray down on the round table next to Heinz. “They sprung it on me this morning when they introduced the recruits to me. Otherwise I would’ve warned you!”

Newton plopped down on Heinz’s other side, asking, ‘Are you alright? I heard the news through the grapevine.’ He nodded at the line where the new recruits were still getting their food.

Heinz shrugged. ‘Not much we can do now except wait to see if it’s sincere. Keep your eyes open,’ he signed to Carl and spoke to Newton at the same time.

A little bunny recruit carried her tiny little tray over to the table and asked if she could join them. Heinz smiled and nodded, motioning to a seat. He grinned – baby agents were so adorable.

As the bunny-recruit struggled to get into her chair, the other recruits – following herd mentality, obviously, in a cafeteria full of hardened agents – came over and asked to join them as well. This batch of recruits consisted of a wolf cub, a bear cub, a colt, a kitten, a gosling, the bunny kit, and Doctor B. 

The wolf cub in particular giggled, watching the bunny still struggling to reach her seat with her tray. Heinz, as the senior predator and agent in the room, glared pointedly at the wolf-recruit until he backed down and shut up. It was Doctor B, however, that knelt down and offered to help the recruit to her seat, if she wanted.

Good move, that, asking to help. Some smaller agents got very testy very quickly if you helped them without their permission, and as such, it was a general rule to wait to be asked for aid. Bunny recruit needed to learn that lesson herself, but for now, she only nodded gratefully to Doctor B – sorry, Perry the Platypus, Heinz corrected in his mind – and let him help her onto the table with her tray.

She looked depressed at her inability to reach the table on her own on her first day, however, and Heinz felt that that just wouldn’t do.

‘Agent Silent-G,’ he both signed and spoke in animal speak, ‘After that LOVEMUFFIN debacle, did Peter the Panda or I ever tell you about Dennis the Rabbit?’

Newton grinned. ‘No, I don’t believe you did,’ he answered, and they both smiled secretly to watch the bunny-recruit perk up.

‘Dennis was a former agent of OWCA who went rogue, for reasons none of us yet know. He is a master of disguise, and took out many agents before Peter and I were sent to capture him…’

It had been his only joint mission with Peter. They had been sent out together to apprehend the rogue agent shortly after Peter’s graduation from the Academy. As former-top-agent, and current-top-agent, they only barely managed to apprehend Dennis, mostly due to their conflicting agent methodologies. Heinz however downplayed that part of the story, only slightly exaggerating the struggle that it had been to catch Dennis. He was pleased to see the bunny recruit regain her confidence, even as he was also pleased to see the ‘predator’ recruits wilt slightly at the tale.

He tried his best to ignore the soft, proud little smile that Perry directed at him from across the table.

‘…And thanks to the fight landing us in that farmer’s market, we finally managed to subdue him at the carrot-monger’s stall.’ Heinz winced, ‘Of course, we then had to pay out of pocket for all the carrots he consumed before the farmer would let us take him into custody. I still don’t think Monogram has reimbursed either of us for that.’

Bunny recruit looked at Heinz like he hung the moon in the sky. ‘I hope I can be like that one day,’ she said, before quickly correcting, ‘Not rogue, obviously! I don’t want to go rogue ever! I just mean, I hope I can be that formidable someday.’

‘You will be,’ Heinz told her. ‘Stick to your training, and maybe you’ll be sent out to recapture him the next time he escapes prison. God knows I’m getting too old to keep doing it,’ he signed and shrugged.

‘Yes sir!’

*****

Heinz was in his office, typing up his initial findings on the –irator when a knock sounded on his door. Thinking it was Carl, he chirped a greeting, not looking up from his typing until an obviously more muscular form fell into the chair opposite his desk.

He paused, tilting his head at the cheekily grinning man across from him.

‘And just why are you here?’ he asked Perry, who was keenly looking around his office. Perry shrugged.

‘On break. Thought I’d find someone to talk to who wasn’t literally born in the last year or so.’ He jumped up to examine the photograph of Heinz and his siblings that hung across the room.

Heinz rolled his eyes. It was strange seeing the former-evil-scientist without his lab coat. He was still dressed professionally, however, wearing his standard black button down and slacks. The only change now was that his sleeves were rolled up neatly, baring his toned forearms.

‘So how come you get a nice cushy office, while the other agents are stuck in cubicles?’ Perry signed, flopping back down in the chair across from Heinz. 

Heinz snorted. ‘Seniority.’ He eyed the other man, sitting there so innocently. ‘So why are you really here?’

Perry held his hands up innocently. ‘I told you, I’m on break.’

‘Not what I meant and you know it.’

Perry shrugged. ‘Being evil wasn’t fun anymore without you. Peter was a horrible nemesis – never let me monologue, kept breaking my door down, no fun in a fight…’

Heinz stared at Perry with wide eyes. ‘Really? But everyone wants Peter as a nemesis! He’s the most sought after agent in the agency!’

Perry tilted his head and simply signed, ‘He wasn’t you.’

Something warm settled inside Heinz, something that he hadn’t realized was even gone.

The moment was broken by a buzz from Perry’s watch. ‘Guess my break’s over,’ he practically chirped, jumping up from his chair. He paused at the door, fidgeting nervously. ‘See you later?’ he signed back to Heinz.

Heinz nodded, not realizing just how soft his expression was. Perry smiled and waved goodbye.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Note the Heinz is Oblivious Tag. Heinz is oblivious… until he isn’t. He gets there eventually.
> 
> I love Bunny recruit so much.
> 
> I am also ridiculously happy with this one. Enjoy.

Heinz the Ocelot carefully shifted positions as he scanned the area around him. There was no sign of his prey, yet, but he knew better than to let his guard down. Evil scientists never let their guard down. 

He snorted silently. That was a vicious lie – he’d bumped into far too many inept scientists to believe it. They always seem to think that agents were utterly secure when trapped, no matter how many times the agent in question escaped before.

But in training, it was always best to let the sweet little recruits believe that their future nemeses were as perfectly evil as possible. Sure, they’d be let down when they first fought their real nemesis… but better for them to stay at the top of their game than be sorry.

He heard a whisper of sound from the woods beneath him, and his ears twitched, following the stealthy footsteps as they neared his hiding place. He forced himself totally still, following his prey with his hearing, waiting until he came into his sightline.

His rival paused behind him, noting the almost perfectly concealed lab coat and very faint purring in the bushes ahead. He grinned, took aim, and fired.

The teal-colored paintballs splattered against the lab coat, and Heinz winced. That was going to take forever to wash out. He looked down upon the triumphant Perry the Platypus, grinned, and set his own gun to ‘fully automatic’.

Perry churred out multiple expletives as bright purple paintballs rained down on his head and shoulders. He growled, turning his head up to look at the serenely smiling ocelot in the tree above him.

Heinz gave a little wave, gun still at the ready.

“And Perry’s out! Congratulations, Heinz, on once again dominating the paintball training!” Carl’s voice sounded out over the loudspeakers integrated on the woodland course.

Heinz nimbly jumped from his hiding spot, grinning at Perry as he pulled his lab coat off the dummy-log he had placed in the bushes. He then picked up the mini-recorder, turning off the looped purring recording.

‘You cheated,’ Perry signed at him, pouting. 

‘No I didn’t. Most evil scientists don’t play by the rules. Excepting that we aren’t allowed to kill or maim each other, the rules of the paintball course are that there are no rules.’ Heinz grinned as the two made their way back to the start point. 

‘You are the absolute worst cheater at this, aren’t you?’ Perry grumbled, causing Heinz to giggle.

‘Actually, that’d be Felicia the Fox. She beat most of my records on this course three years ago during her own recruitment period.’ Heinz shook his head in remembrance. ‘Stole my own weapon from me and went all gangsta-style.’

Perry’s eyebrow rose. ‘Gangsta-style?’

Heinz was horrified. ‘Don’t tell me you’ve never seen Megamind?!’ He cringed at Perry’s blank look. ‘Get the kids to watch it with you. It’s fabulous. And speaking of kids…’ Heinz gave him a smug look, ‘you can thank Candace for my victory here today.’

‘Candace?!’ Perry signed, staring incredulously at Heinz. Heinz grinned.

‘I had no idea that I tend to unconsciously purr when I’m happy.’ He mentally promised to do something really nice for the girl once he got home. ‘She let it slip after Christmas when we were watching Pride and Prejudice.’

Perry caught on. ‘So that prompted the recording?’

‘Yup,’ Heinz chirped, and Perry reluctantly grinned.

‘You purred the entirety of the Sunrise of Our Lives marathon, too,’ Perry confessed. 

Heinz grimaced, but was saved from his embarrassment as they entered the clearing, finding the other recruits and ‘evil scientists’ waiting for them. Both Heinz and Perry forced down their smiles at seeing the ‘evil scientist’ Peter the Panda glowering at them, covered in both purple and teal paint blasts.

“So, has anyone figured out the purpose of today’s exercise?” Carl asked the recruits, once Perry had rejoined them. Most of them looked confused, while Perry, the bunny, and gosling looked thoughtful.

Carl grinned. This usually happened, each time. “’Evil scientist’ Heinz, would you like to explain?”

Heinz was already stepping forward, before Carl even finished the question. He signed and animal-spoke simultaneously.

‘Today’s training had nothing to do with learning to handle a weapon. Some agents are not capable of firing a normal weapon, as you can see.’ He nodded at the gosling and colt recruits. ‘Today’s exercise was about basic survival skills – hunting and being hunted. Some of you are –‘ here Heinz used the air-quotes, ‘”Predator” agents, and the rest are “prey” agents. A good agent learns to suppress their natural instincts, becoming a bit of both.’

He paused, waiting for usual grumbling – from both agents and recruits – to subside before continuing. ‘All “prey” agents need to learn how to track down a target, and, if need be, lay in wait with the utmost patience until the perfect moment to strike.’ Heinz smirked at Perry, who glared witheringly back. 

‘And “predator” agents need to learn what it means to be hunted, and not dash out brazenly, all guns blazing,’ he looked pointedly at the wolf cub, who had the decency to lower his head in embarrassment.

‘The ultimate lessons for today, then, are patience and fighting your instincts. We do this by learning how to hunt, even while being hunted in return.’

Heinz stepped back as Carl stepped forward to wrap up the session. As soon as he released the recruits to return to HQ and clean up, Perry fell into step beside Heinz again at the back of the group.

‘I demand a rematch,’ Perry signed, mock-frowning at Heinz.

Heinz smirked in return. ‘Not today, sucker,’ he replied. ‘You recruits have a busy schedule this week… it’ll have to wait until your next free day.’

‘And then I shall thwart you, Heinz the Evil Ocelot,’ Perry vowed, shaking his fist at Heinz with a righteous pose. Heinz giggled, causing Perry to drop the pose and grin. He was just starting to sign something else when Carl popped up on Heinz’s other side.

“Hey, Heinz, aren’t you playing chess with Kevin after this?” Heinz looked over at Carl and nodded, not noticing Perry’s change of expression.

“I’ll come with you then. He asked me at Christmas to teach him ASL, and I have some booklets to drop off for him. I can teach him to fingerspell while you play!”

‘You talked to him at Christmas?’ Heinz put the pieces together. ‘Did he try to break out again?’ he asked with a fond smile.

“Yes,” Carl coughed nervously, “right before Christmas.” He shot a quick look over Heinz’s shoulder, “I think he was worried about you.”

Heinz’s smile dimmed a bit at the reminder. ‘Well, that was sweet of him. It’ll be nice to have more in depth conversations with him,’ Heinz answered truthfully. He turned back to Perry, only to find that the man had moved up ahead to talk to the bunny recruit. Heinz frowned a bit, then shrugged. Maybe he had something important to tell her.

The bunny recruit patted Perry on the leg in a comforting manner, and he grinned down at her before running on ahead into HQ. Heinz’s frown deepened.

The two trainers were forced to jerk to a stop to keep from tripping over the bunny recruit as she whirled around and planted herself in front of Carl. She stared up at him menacingly, and when she was sure she had his complete attention, she used one paw to point at her own eyes, before flipping it around to jab at Carl.

She then turned and saluted Heinz sweetly, before hopping off into HQ after Perry. 

Heinz looked between the retreating recruit and Carl, who looked a bit stunned. ‘What was that about?’ he asked, once he regained Carl’s attention.

“No idea,” Carl replied nervously, and Heinz’s tail twitched in suspicion. 

*****

“Heinz! Carl! How are you today?” Kevin boomed as they entered the corridor. Heinz waved at his first nemesis in a friendly manner, while Carl just grinned.

“We’re great! I’ve got those manuals I was talking to you about,” Carl enthused, waving said handbooks in the air. Heinz looked between the two – when had they become so chummy?

“Great! So how does training go?” Kevin asked Carl with a significant look. Heinz glanced between the two of them, before shrugging and setting up the chessboard. He kept his ears focused on their conversation, however.

“Fine, considering…” Carl trailed off. Heinz narrowed his eyes slightly, not enough for either to notice. “Bunny recruit in particular has made leaps and bounds in her training.”

‘I know!’ Heinz signed to Carl, who immediately began to translate for Kevin’s benefit. ‘I’m so proud of her progress, ever since that first day,’ Heinz shrugged. When Kevin questioned ‘that first day,’ Carl began to regale him with Heinz’s and Newton’s confidence-bolstering maneuver. 

They were a few moves in by the time Carl finished the story, and Kevin grinned. “That is so like my arch-nemesis!” he exclaimed, and tried to fingerspell at the same time.

Carl smiled, and corrected a few of Kevin’s signs. Heinz nodded at the attempt, even as he inwardly choked.

Kevin was his oldest living friend, and though he appreciated that, he wondered a bit, just how easily he always seemed to understand Perry, when making his first nemesis of almost thirty years understand him was so difficult.

*****

The next couple of weeks passed by quickly. As senior agent-slash-scientist, Heinz always demonstrated the various agent tools to the new recruits, modifying them as needed to the various recruits’ special needs.

All recruits seemed to easily understand the workings of the watch, grappling hook, lock picks, buzz saw, jetpack…

…until they came to the one device Heinz dreaded teaching, the hover-jet.

Heinz had designed the hover-jet himself. Basically, it was a glorified flying-convertible, complete with laser beam, magnet ray, and cup holders. While the standard issue hover-jet only had one set of controls, Heinz designed the training car to have a second set of controls for the trainer – i.e., Heinz – in case a recruit completely lost control and he had to take over. It happened more times than he liked to remember.

Most of the animal agents hated the hover-jets and only used them out of dire necessity. Too many things to remember, too many controls to fiddle with – agents mostly preferred the jet packs as means of travel. Turn it on and use reflexes to guide yourself through the air.

This afternoon, every six months, was the stuff of his nightmares…

*****

By the time it was Perry’s turn try out the hover-jet, Heinz’s nerves were mostly shot. Thank Gott Perry was the last one for the day.

‘Are you okay?’ Perry asked, his eyes full of concern as he looked over the frazzled ocelot.

‘Imagine teaching six teenagers to drive in one afternoon in a car that flies,’ Heinz told his, and Perry blanched. ‘It’s like having multiple heart failures every six months,’ he elaborated further. Perry patted him on the shoulder in consolation, then strapped himself into the driver’s seat.

‘Well, at least I shouldn’t give you too much of a scare,’ he told Heinz. Heinz snorted.

‘Carl said the same thing when I let him drive one once. He’s worse than most recruits.’

Perry chuffed a laugh, starting the car. He patiently listened as Heinz explained the controls. Heinz felt himself relax as Perry calmly shifted gears and gently lifted the hover-jet into the air and towards the driving course.

Perry was by the far the best recruit, ever, with the hover-jets. He maintained the recommended speed as he adjusted to the controls, easily dodging around obstacles on the course. Heinz had never felt so relaxed on this demonstration before.

‘See? Told you so,’ Perry grinned, causing Heinz to smile back. ‘I think it could use mirrors, though,’ Perry added. Heinz shrugged.

‘I can put them on your personally issued hover-jet when you graduate,’ Heinz replied. ‘Most agents opt out of hover-jets, and mirrors tend to be too shiny and distracting to the few who want one.’

‘That’s a shame, I’m really enjoying this. I thought the jet pack was horrible. This is much better,’ Perry mused. Heinz grinned.

‘Thank you. The jet pack used to be the only standard issue travel device, and I was always terrified of scorching my tail off. The older models were nowhere near as elegant as the newer ones. I designed these babies for the agents who, like me, weren’t fond of the jet pack.’

Perry glanced over at Heinz quickly, before returning his attention ahead. ‘You designed these,’ he asked in amazement, a wide grin on his face. ‘There really isn’t anything you can’t do.’

Heinz felt himself blush. ‘I’m nothing special,’ he replied.

‘You are to me,’ Perry chirped softly, and Heinz couldn’t even stop the purring that erupted.

*****

A week later, Perry stormed up to Heinz’s table in the cafeteria before any of the others could get there and barely refrained from slamming his tray down as he took a seat next to Heinz.

Before Heinz could say anything, Perry snarled at him, ‘Did you hear?! They brought Jessica and her twin back to life!’

Heinz’s ears flattened. ‘No!’ he waved his paws wildly, ‘They can’t do that!’

‘They did,’ Perry fumed. 

‘But what about Clenrique?! They’re going to have the baby soon!’

‘I know!’ Perry wailed. ‘That Jessica better not try anything.’

The two ranted and raved, back and forth, over the evils of Jessica and the love that was Clenrique for the rest of lunch. They were so focused on each other, they never noticed the looks the other agents and recruits were giving them, like they were crazy people. And they certainly never noticed the frown on Carl’s face, nor the smug smug look bunny recruit gave their human trainer from across the table.

*****

A few days later, and Heinz heard through the grapevine that Perry had finally broken his one, last, unbroken training record.

Of course, if anyone was going to beat Heinz’s driving course record, he would fully expect it to be the only (fully) human recruit they’d ever trained.

Heinz held his head high as he stalked his way down to the training center, where the recruits were scheduled to be now. He kept a pleased smile on his face, which only widened as he walked along. He had the satisfaction of watching those who would rub this in his face – namely the Duck and his cohorts – shy away from his utter lack of dismay.

He nudged the lump in his lab coat pocket and pointedly purred.

He schooled his expression and body language just before he reached the training facility’s doors. He entered and the room immediately hushed, fixed on his every move. Perry looked up, grinning, then flinching as he met Heinz’s sudden scrutiny. Heinz’s tail swished as he stepped up to the human recruit, smirking slightly as he noticed bunny-recruit alone bristle at the supposed slight to her human training partner.

Good for her.

Heinz’s paw whipped out, and the other agents and recruits all flinched. Perry paused, scrutinizing the box Heinz offered to him, before his eyes flew up to meet Heinz’s smug look.

‘You, you’ve earned it,’ Heinz told Perry, purring as he offered the box of almond brittle to the startled human.

Perry smiled widely, throwing his head back in chuffing laughter as he accepted the box from Heinz’s paws.

*****

‘Your move,’ Heinz gestured, sitting back as Kevin paused his finger spelling to scrutinize the board.

“What were you and Perry talking about at lunch,” Carl asked suddenly, sharing a quick glance with Kevin. Heinz tilted his head.

‘You were at the table with us, didn’t you pay attention?’ Heinz signed carefully, and Carl translated out loud for Kevin.

“Um, Heinz, I’m pretty sure the only people who could understand you two, were you two,” Carl started carefully. Heinz blinked.

‘Say what?!’

“You didn’t know? When you two talk to each other, you barely sign to each other at all. Its like some weird mix of sign language and animal speak.”

Heinz was stunned. ‘Oh.’

“You really never noticed?” Carl asked, staring at his friend.

Heinz shook his head. ‘I never even noticed. I’ve just… never had any trouble understanding him,’ the stunned ocelot signed back. 

*****

Heinz sat in his office later that day, thinking. It was a Friday, and the boys and Candace were all staying at friends’ houses this weekend, so he was in no rush to go home.

He was still stunned by the revelation that he and Perry had their own language. Now that he thought back, it all made sense – the way they chatted back and forth during the driving demonstration, for example. 

Heinz shook his head. He really was a dummkopf sometimes.

A knock at the door distracted him from his musings, and he chirped to let the person know to come in.

Perry entered, looking at Heinz sheepishly with his one good eye.

‘What happened?’ Heinz yelped, leaping up in his seat. Perry flopped over into his chair and shrugged.

‘Training accident,’ he said, waving at his closed black eye. ‘Turns out that bear cub is a natural boxer.’

Heinz leapt to his feet, going over to his mini fridge and pulling out an ice pack. He jumped onto his desk, grabbing Perry’s head and gently examining his damaged eye. 

‘Will I live, doctor?’ Perry asked, an amused glint in his good eye. Heinz blushed, not having realized just how close he was to the man. He backed away, handing Perry the ice pack. The recruit placed it over his damaged eye and sighed with relief.

‘I suppose,’ Heinz shrugged as he sat back down in his chair. He debated for a second, then asked the question of the hour. ‘Did you notice we have our own language?’

Perry nodded, obviously fighting to keep the amused grin off his face. ‘Have you really not noticed until now?’ Perry asked, gesturing to the air between them.

Heinz shook his head. ‘I was always so focused on what we were saying, that I never paid much attention to how we were saying it. I had no idea until Carl pointed it out.’

Perry grinned. ‘I can understand animal speak. I can only use it to communicate with a certain few, however.’ The smile dropped. ‘I’d really rather not talk about how I can. Not now. Eventually I’ll explain.’ The teal-haired man’s face flashed a brief look of intense pain, and Heinz nodded quickly in concern.

‘Whenever you’re ready. Even if it’s never,’ Heinz reassured him, and Perry smiled at him softly in return.

Perry’s smile turned nervous, and he looked like he was trying to brace himself for something. Heinz motioned for him to talk, and Perry took a deep breath before starting…

‘I don’t want to be your nemesis anymore,’ Perry blurted out, and he quickly started explaining himself before Heinz could absorb the hurt that statement caused. ‘I want to be friends, like, just really good friends with you. If that’s all right?’

Heinz blinked at the now blushing man before him, letting the words sink in. Then he couldn’t fight it, not the purring, nor the silly grin that spread over his face.

‘I don’t think we were ever not friends. Yes, you hurt me, really hurt me, and I was really disappointed for a while…’ he trailed off at Perry’s look of fear and regret, ‘but I don’t think I can stay mad at you. In fact, I think I forgave you a while ago. You’re one of the few, maybe the only person to ever truly understand me.’ Heinz shrugged. ‘You’re my best friend, really.’

‘You’ve always been my best friend, too,’ Perry replied, sporting a wide, silly smile that matched Heinz’s own. 

Heinz simply purred louder in response.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kudos to anyone who got the Ghostbusters reference.
> 
> Animal speak in my mind is a mix of some vocal interaction and a lot of reading and taking cues from body language, scent changes, etc. Perry and Doof seem to have a non-verbal understanding of each other in the show, which my Perry and Heinz also share. So I took that, and turned it into their own little language.
> 
> Now Carl just needs to learn to never mess with bunny recruit’s OTPs.
> 
> Look out for Wednesday, when we finally get to our boys’ back stories!

**Author's Note:**

> Carl is very protective of his Science Bro. As he should be. 
> 
> Bunny recruit is my favorite. I can’t wait till we get to see more of her later in the series… she’s the best.
> 
> This should only have one more chapter, so see you on Sunday!


End file.
